Some Adoption Thoughts

I wanted to write a note in praise of Micah's nurse, and a few other adoption thoughts that have been swimming around in my head lately.

When Micah was in for his first round of vaccinations in December, he had an incredibly kind, sweet nurse who swooned over him like nothing I've ever seen! She even asked if he had siblings she could adopt. ;0) In fact, she was so sweet that she scooped him up before I had a chance to blink after giving him the shots and started comforting him in lavish fashion.

It was the first time since we had brought Micah home that I had to say the uncomfortable words, "Umm... Thank you for loving on him, but I really need to be the one to comfort him, because he's still learning what a Mommy and Daddy are. Sorry." It was one of those times where you could literally see the emotions sweeping across her face... surprise, confusion, embarrassment. As she realized what I was saying, she quickly and graciously transferred him to my arms.

We had the same nurse when we were in for another round of vaccinations recently, and it was the first time I had seen her since our first meeting. She swooned and raved over Micah again, going so far as to tell him he's her favorite patient! And when she finished his shots, she said to him, "Awww, it'll be okay. Momma will hold you and make it all better!" without so much as a sideways glance toward me. I was so relieved and thankful that she remembered, and was so thoughtful, even though she hadn't seen us for months. She is wonderful!!

I also wanted to blog about my perspective on post placement reports. (Post placement reports are updates you send, usually to your agency, including a written description of your child's development, and including pictures. For Kendra, we sent them every few months the first year, are sending them twice a year now, and will send them once a year from age 5-18. For Micah, we are sending them every few months this first year, and will then send them once a year.) I know a lot of adoptive parents view them as a thorn in their side, but I'm actually thankful for them!

The biggest reason they're important to me is because I have a friend who made an adoption plan for her child as a teenager, and I've seen the suffering she has to endure when the Adoptive Family doesn't send in a report on time, or doesn't do a good job with one, or doesn't send one at all. I believe we have been entrusted with the most precious of all gifts, and the least we can do is provide some assurance to the Birth Families who ushered our children into this world. We had the opportunity to meet with Kendra's Birth Mother last year, and she thanked us profusely for the letters and pictures we send. She told us she is "at peace", and that absolutely thrilled me.

I think some families don't like the sense of invasiveness that comes with doing post placement reports, just like some families resent the home study process. (Many report feeling violated, with the extent of probing and evaluation that is often done when you go through the process of becoming eligible to adopt. Corey and I had to write essay after essay, on everything from a typical day in our childhood, to our process of conflict resolution, to our sex life. And we had to read several assigned books to discuss with our Social Worker.) Maybe it helps that I'm an open book kind of person to begin with, but I really don't resent the scope and depth of the home study process. It helped us talk through a bunch of super important things that I don't know we would have without that accountability. I don't wish we hadn't had to do it, I honestly just wish that everyone had to go through that kind of self-examination/preparation before they bring children into their home, whether biologically or through adoption! Raising kids is the most important job on the planet, and yet most of us spend less time researching, educating ourselves, and planning for their arrival than we do on purchasing a car. For me, writing updates is a little extension of the home study process. It forces me to pause and really think through how I'm doing as a Mom. As I describe how the kids are doing in different areas (personality, social skills, academics, interests, etc.), it's one more opportunity to assess areas we might need to prioritize.

On a lighter note, it's great to have these reports for posterity's sake! I save copies of all of them, and will probably bind them at some point to pass on to my kids when they're grown. I'm not good at journaling every little detail on a daily, weekly, or even monthly basis, but these reports force me to at least somewhat track all the ins and outs of their lives!

On a final, and much lesser note, the reports give me yet one more excuse to take lots of pictures of my kids! (I know, I know... as if I needed another excuse!)