Ruminations: God Revealing Himself Through Adoption

I have decided it's high time to take a little break from the regularly scheduled photos and anecdotes, and let 'er rip a bit. So sit down, strap in, and brace yourself... well, either that or just click far, far away to another site as fast as you can. ;0) (Or scroll down to yesterday's post, which was of the usual tame variety!)

For those of you still with me, here goes... Like I've said before, it's not that my brain has ceased being filled with incessant ponderings and heavy thoughts, it's just that by the end of my days during this busy season with the littles, I usually just want to cap it off by curling up with a Christian Fiction book, or playing with photo stuff a bit. But I saw something on a good friend's blog that brought all kinds of musings to the surface for me, and I've just got to get some of them out!

My friend, a fellow adoptive Momma, actually had someone say to her: "If God has closed your womb it is because he did not want you to have children. Did you ever think about that? God blesses some with offspring and others he has another plan for. Did you ever consider that you have missed your calling." Oh my, oh my, oh my.

I'm sure glad Joseph (you know, Joseph-- as in Jesus' Dad) didn't share that woman's view! Imagine if Joseph had decided, "Well, that boy is not my biological son, therefore God does not want me to raise him. I would be outside of God's calling to raise a child that's not biologically mine." Can you imagine!? We put soooo much stock in bloodlines. Some would argue that God does, too. Just look at all the "yellow pages of the Old Testament", as Corey calls them. ;0) But there are plenty of examples in scripture that would point toward bloodlines not mattering whatsoever. How about the fact that Jesus' lineage is not traced through bloodlines, but rather through His adoptive father, Joseph? (see Matthew 1:1-17, particularly v. 16) And how about Moses? According to this woman who accosted my friend, I guess the Pharaoh's daughter was outside of God's calling, and should have just let baby Moses keep on a floating...

Corey was talking briefly about Jeremiah at our Wednesday night Bible Study (which is SO, SO good--click on the link if you want to listen in), and noted how God instructed Jeremiah to do some symbolic things to help get His message across, like not marrying or having children. (see Jeremiah 16:1-2) Not that Corey and I were instructed not to have children, mind you. We tried for 7 years! But it occurred to me that God in His sovereignty could certainly choose to use our situation to help get His message across... who knows? At a minimum, I know God has used our situation to get His message across to me in many ways. I'm going to share just two of those...

Lesson #1
For starters, at my lowest point of our struggle with infertility, to my complete and utter shame, I spoke to God with a bitter sense of entitlement. I was working at the Pregnancy Center, and watching young girls come in, often high and frequently reeking of cigarette smoke, etc., wanting to abort their child. Here I was, dying to have a baby, and all the while watching babies needlessly headed for death left and right. I pretty much asked God, "Why? Why won't you bless me with a successful pregnancy? I've done everything right. I waited to have sex until I was married, I married a good, Christian man--a Pastor, Lord! I'm a sexual abstinence speaker, for crying out loud! I have been faithful to Your commands, and yet in this very area You refuse to honor my faithfulness. Look what I've done for You! Why won't You do this for me?" Whew! It scares me to type that; I can't believe I addressed God so pompously. Forgive me, Father.

Despite my pompousness, God was gracious to respond. (I say respond, not answer per say, because I see more and more that I'm not the one running the conversation. Just look at Jesus all throughout the New Testament, where the disciples and other people ask Him questions and He responds with something that seemingly has nothing to do with the question. I think maybe God just tells us what we need to hear after we've asked questions, not so much to answer us, but because He knows we're listening right about then.)

He showed me that my focus, my energy, all my hope, was being placed on the gift. The gift of a child. A baby. I needed to put my focus, my energy, all my hope in God Himself. In the Giver of All Gifts. Not in a gift, a baby, but in the Giver of All Gifts. I learned that I need to know Who (God) my hope is in, not what (a baby, or anything else for that matter) my hope is in.

Had I not had the privilege (yes, privilege) of being brought to that point of despair, I fear I would never have learned that oh-so-important lesson that has completely transformed my life, and my view of suffering. Like Phil said at the Wednesday Night Bible Study about Job (when he was talking on the Poetry Books): It wasn't so much a matter of God answering Job as he cried out and questioned Him; It was a matter of God revealing Himself to Job in the midst of his suffering. So there's one message God has communicated to me through our situation!

Lesson #2
God has also used our situation to teach me a lot about friendship. This lesson is kind of delicate to communicate, because I don't want to hurt our extended family's feelings. But it's important to me to try to share this, so holler if your toes are smarting, and I'll see what I can do to remedy that. ;0) Basically, I'd always had the idea that family, as in blood relatives, was everything. You know, the whole "blood is thicker than water" thing. Friends may come and go, but family is forever. I was so dependent on family that I never intentionally sought out friendships. My life plan was to spend the bulk of time with family-- holidays, vacations, you name it. If somebody other than a family member would, say, ask me to lunch, I'd usually go, and then reciprocate. I just kind of took friends as they came at me, never looking to intentionally cultivate a relationship with anyone proactively.

Through a variety of means, God showed me the importance of intentionally cultivating friendships. For one thing, it was obvious to both Corey and me early on that God would use Kendra in our lives to challenge us in the area of cheerfulness. He and I are both rather serious, and our girl is FULL of life! In the book The Fruit of Her Hands, Nancy Wilson writes, "Think for a moment about this text. ('The righteous should choose his friends carefully.' Proverbs 12:26) The righteous must not only choose his friends, but do so with care. This requires wisdom. Frequently, Christian women 'fall into' friendships on the basis of proximity and compatibility. Someone moves in next door, you 'hit it off', and the next thing you know, you're fast friends. But Proverbs says friendship should be the result of careful choice, not indiscriminate happenstance. Just because you have much in common... or... see one another often... does not mean you are wise in establishing a friendship."

So I could clearly see God's hand in inserting cheerfulness into our lives by way of Kendra, and this passage in Mrs. Wilson's book got me thinking about other characteristics that were wanting in my life. All of the "soft" things sprang to mind, like gentleness, patience, and such. This realization led me to seek out some Godly friends overflowing with gentleness and patience, so I could learn from them. As I took stock, I also realized I needed some encouragers. Shocker of all shockers: Life as a Pastor's Wife can be tough sometimes! So I surrounded myself with a few loyal encouragers. (I'd be remiss in not pointing out that my Mom is probably the most encouraging person in the world. But she's my Mom, you know. So even if she means it, I've always got that "She's my Mom. She has to say that," voice playing in the back of my head!)

I also asked two different older (than me) women to mentor me. (Again, I have to give props to my Ma in the mentoring department, but again, she's my Mom. I have found it invaluable to have non-family members--for about 3 years now--that I have solicited to speak into my life, challenge me, and hold me accountable! For one thing, they have a totally different perspective of me that doesn't include the hideous teen years, so they have unique counsel to offer that's based more squarely on this season of my life. Ha ha! I still go to Mom all the time for advice and input. I'm just saying that I have really, really, really seen the benefit of having both kinds.)

Now, don't go thinking that I'm just bent on milking everybody for what they can do for me. Of course, I work to mutually serve my friends. And I also work to intentionally cultivate relationships with people where my sole motive is ministering to them. It's just everything in-between that I now try to minimize. The "Wanna go to lunch?"es that I was doling out just to reciprocate. I totally realize this may sound harsh, but I do feel a conviction about glorifying God with my time, and being intentional about friendships, I believe, has produced a lot of fruit.

So there's another message God has communicated to me through our situation. There are so, so many more! But I'm tired, and no doubt you're tired, if you're still reading. (You can start un-strapping now; I'm almost done! ;0) ) I guess this is all just one more way of saying adoption is not Plan B. 2nd best. What have you. And I hope my life, my continual growth in Christ, our family... is proof of that. Moses. Jesus. Kendra. Micah. God reveals Himself and His Message through adoption over and over. In SOOOOOOOOOOOOO many ways!

One little footnote: If you're struggling with infertility, don't let the enemy catch you in the trap of saying, "Well, if God wants me to have more children, then we'll get pregnant. If not, I guess He doesn't want us to have any (or any more) kids." There are lots of different ways God grows families, and I encourage you to be sensitive to His leading, whatever that might look like! His ways are PERFECT!!